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"Smelly cat":
Smelly Cat, Smelly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault...
They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you're no friend to those with noses.
Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault!
"Two Heart Attacks":
It only takes two heart attacks,
to finally make you see
One of them won't do it
But the second will set you free
Tell all your hate and anger
it's time to say good bye
and that is just what I will do
As soon as those bastards I work for die
Lalala...
"Showman":
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen
La-la-la-la-la-la-la...
"Thought Phoebe Would Leave"
We thought Phoebe would leave
But she just stayed and stayed
That's right, here all night
And Chandler will never get ****
"First Time I Met Chandler"
First time i met chandler
i thought he was gay
but here i am singing
on his wedding daaaay
"The Bisexual Song":
Sometimes men love women.
And sometimes men love men.
Then there are bisexuals,
Though some just say they're kidding themselves
"Little Black Curly Hair":
I found you in my bed,
How'd you wind up there?
It's still a mystery,
Little black curly hair...
"My Coma Guy"
You don't have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have go to say...
"Holiday Song":
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
No don't sing along
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snow
And Rachel and Chandler, handler!
"But Don't":
There'll be times when you get older,
And you'll want to sleep with people,
Just to make them like you
But Don't.
Because that's another thing that you don't wanna do...
"I'm In The Shower":
I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it.
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget...
Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat,
As needed!!!
"The Barnyard Animal Song":
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo.
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers.
"New York City Has No Power":
New York City has no power,
And the milk is getting sour.
But to me this is not scary,
Cause I stay away from dairy.
"Two of Them Kissed Last Night":
There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
And a guy, let's call him Neil.
Now I can't stress this point too strongly, this story isn't real.
Now our Neil must decide, who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly? or will it be the one who we'll call L-Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide, even though I made him up he must decide.
"What Happened To Grandma?":
Now grandma's a person who everyone likes,
She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike.
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
and last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and someday you will too.
_________________
I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it.
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